Updates from the tower;-)
And then, there’s the discovery this morning. The sun that filters in through my un-curtained windows wakes me up at a half-past six every morning. So this morning, I lay awake for a while, relishing the feel of “half an hour more before I gotta get up.” Isn’t it awesome? When you wake up and you know you can lie down for SOME more time?? :p
And then, I ventured a peep outta the tower just to check out who was around. All alone.. I am. And it’s pure and fresh and invigorating. Like placing a cube of ice on your tongue and the feeling is raw and pure all at once?
Yeah….just like that.
I don’t have any rules to abide by but my own. I could live like this forever and ever. Everything and everybody, every relationship is so futile. So silly. A chasing after the wind as Solomon said all that while ago.
And the strange bit is how comforting that thought actually is! The best bit on a day like this is that I don’t NEED anybody. I can soar…. like a kite in the wind…. free and yet moored. And it will never be a lost kite until the owner lets go. And my owner won’t. Of that, I am certain. And the trip isn’t lonely. On the contrary, it’s exhilarating. I can explore all I like for however long I like and the discoveries won’t ever stop.
But then again, sometimes, it’s easy to cross over to the other side. To let go of ‘balance. From extremely sensitive and volatile, I’d like to think I’ve reached middle ground NOW. But one step more and I might well keel over to the other side. Become cold. Angry. Old.
It’s amazing just how cold your heart can grow after a while. After it’s been torn and healed over and over, it’s truly amazing how you can cease to feel. Sometimes, I can almost feel that fear gripping me…like last night when it suddenly struck me that never again would I say of anybody, “ I can’t live without him”. Or, “I can’t live without her.”
‘Cos I can. I know I can. And cutting off and cutting away is only all too easy. It doesn’t even hurt anymore. And I can keep on going like they never existed. And I am scared that this isn’t about emotional independence or strength anymore…..it just might be about being cold. And selfish.
Darn!! I really need some agape!!!! :-O
And then, I ventured a peep outta the tower just to check out who was around. All alone.. I am. And it’s pure and fresh and invigorating. Like placing a cube of ice on your tongue and the feeling is raw and pure all at once?
Yeah….just like that.
I don’t have any rules to abide by but my own. I could live like this forever and ever. Everything and everybody, every relationship is so futile. So silly. A chasing after the wind as Solomon said all that while ago.
And the strange bit is how comforting that thought actually is! The best bit on a day like this is that I don’t NEED anybody. I can soar…. like a kite in the wind…. free and yet moored. And it will never be a lost kite until the owner lets go. And my owner won’t. Of that, I am certain. And the trip isn’t lonely. On the contrary, it’s exhilarating. I can explore all I like for however long I like and the discoveries won’t ever stop.
But then again, sometimes, it’s easy to cross over to the other side. To let go of ‘balance. From extremely sensitive and volatile, I’d like to think I’ve reached middle ground NOW. But one step more and I might well keel over to the other side. Become cold. Angry. Old.
It’s amazing just how cold your heart can grow after a while. After it’s been torn and healed over and over, it’s truly amazing how you can cease to feel. Sometimes, I can almost feel that fear gripping me…like last night when it suddenly struck me that never again would I say of anybody, “ I can’t live without him”. Or, “I can’t live without her.”
‘Cos I can. I know I can. And cutting off and cutting away is only all too easy. It doesn’t even hurt anymore. And I can keep on going like they never existed. And I am scared that this isn’t about emotional independence or strength anymore…..it just might be about being cold. And selfish.
Darn!! I really need some agape!!!! :-O
posted by Rapunzel at 3:22 pm
22 Comments:
this 'cold' phenomenon is pretty rampant now.. wonder why.. me thinks we'll have to get the witch or the prince to visit more often ;)
Neat title.
:O :O :O
yes its true that one might not say that of anybody ever gain, because the first broken heart proves that you jolly well can...but i dont know if i even can ruly do without society...no matter how antisocial i might be :| and cutting off from anyone, any damn person is too much of a wrench now.
you're stuck in a gilded tower, baby, and so am i.
CrazyGal
http://chutzpah.rediffblogs.com
(You kow m, don't you ;))
fly high, kite-girl! ;-) and don't worry abt getting all cold. just revel in the sunshine!
It should never be about dependence. Any relationship based on that has shaky foundations. It should be all about the spirit and lightness, and not gravity and weight...
Or maybe not. Maybe there should be a balance. And there might be even more elements involved.
Hehe, I just confused myself ;)
-Two Penny
im feeling so lost and alone all of a sudden..why the let down...girl could you explain?
CG
Beautifully written... Loved it!
Personally though, am at exactly the diametric opposite end of the spectrum. After all those wild soaring days, it suddenly feels like I've come home...!
But, wonderful post!
Hold someone's hand and float-free...fly. Much like a kite. ~ JW
how did i 'miss u'...ur blog looks like i should ve been here long time ago..anyways u must be getting it from quite a many but 'about me' u ve pen'ed really amazing stuff.
jo
ohhhoo...here i was gettin happy and excited to think da princess has finally got it!!! da flying thing and da ice cube thing...but then u had 2 rembr ur in da ivory tower...
i second manu's thought...we ought 2 send sum cute lookin prince charmings' ur way...in case they r not up2 ur taste..i have no issues wid da rejects :P
I hate to wake up when others (read: cocks) usually do.
Cuz I dont like to conform. I don't have timetables. I'm my own person, a superhero u cud say.
But I'm not going to save the world from the scum of the universe waking up at 6.30 in the morning, nor is that half an hour of lazing around gonna gimme Nobel Peace Prize.
I'm the types who likes to sleep till I can and then wake up and see what needs to be done... the types that then go to sleep again only after things are taken care of.
And I can bet my ass and urs that i get better sleep than u do! :D
And for what really gives us happiness, well I'll leave that for u to answer! we are all different people, but some needs are just the same...
-WILL smith (M.I.B)
Where there's a WILL, there's a way! (and some property worth living for!) The WILL is God's! So WILL you or wont ya? (He he! Ran outta corn for more lines! :P)
MANUSCRYPTS-must be something in the air:-| or must be my soul mate:-|
LEPER-tanks!! :D errrr....which title though?
CG-the best thing abt a gilded tower is you can keep it gilded forever if you want to. just like the most awesome part of the lover in the grecian urn is that he will always have the fire of anticipation :-/ and why you low, baby?
LIVING HIGH-yes, i will fly high. i will live high:-D
TP-not to worry. i know what you mean. i am you. thats one of my incredible abilities. i can be anybody i choose to be:-D
ANON-tanks....but who be thou?
JW-u mean just a hand or one that is attached to a body??:-D
JO-thats cos i am.amazing, i mean;-)
ELIXIR-LOL.naaah....send me a shrek;-) u can keep the prince charmings:D
GILL-thanks gill.honoured :)
WILL/WANNABE MIB- go po po po. go away on da polar express:p
Post a Comment
<< Home