Faith-less?

Shaky faith today. But I am holding on and holding out. I can’t quit just like that…This is battle.

Whoever said faith was escapism, really has NO clue what they are talking about. Why do people think that faith is this escape clause that the weak-hearted turn to? Do they realize just how DIFFICULT faith is? That it’s actually a killing of your ‘self’ day by day? That it’s actually so much easier not to believe, to do your own thing and forget about Authority?

I think it’s because most people equate faith with blind belief…but someone with faith would tell you that it’s not really blind belief. Nor is it about believing something. Faith is believing in the Ultimate. Or rather, believing in the ultimate IN SPITE of the fact that sometimes, there is NOTHING to validate that belief. There is no such thing as half-way belief. It has to be all or nothing.

In fact, that’s what makes it so difficult. It’s something inside of you that you cannot really explain…it’s about carrying a truth so profound and when people question it, the best you can offer is “I can't explain. YOU have to experience it.”

And to keep on saying it amidst the sarcastic rejoinders and quizzical looks… To keep on believing even when circumstances challenge your faith. To keep on fighting for it when you have no reason to offer except, “ I know.” To keep on holding it when people turn their backs on you saying, “She has turned weird…”To keep holding on to it even when people laugh at you and pity you saying “Poor thing…she has to believe something…” Tell me, which part of that is easy?

Getting faith is not so difficult. Anybody can believe…it’s keeping the faith in spite of contradictory circumstances that is the real trial, the real battle. ‘Cos human beings as a race are trained to reason. All our natural inclinations are to believe in what we see, to ‘understand’ what lies right before our eyes….

I think, faith is probably the hardest thing to keep in this world of ours that demands proofs, and makes reasoning their god. And the more ‘intelligent’ you are, the more difficult faith is…For how do you account for the fact that you can still believe something that you cannot account for? How ‘intelligent’ is that? See what I mean?

Faith is not easy. Faith is a conflict, a daily surrender, a daily death, a daily reawakening.

Not believing is so much easier than believing….cos when you believe, you are accountable. For every deed, for every word, you know there is someone that you’ll have to account to. How is THAT escapism? You willingly CHOOSE to circumscribe your ‘freedom’…how easy is that?

Isn’t not believing the escapist bit? I mean, if you don’t believe, you are NOT accountable. You don’t carry with you the cross of responsibility. You can simply live life on your own terms…be your own master or mistress…maybe that’s why a lot of people don’t believe? They are afraid that once they do…their life will never be the same again? That they can no more do a lot of the ‘fun’ things that was ok THEN but is not ok NOW.

That’s another thing about faith…once you choose to believe, there is a ‘then’ and ‘now’. An ‘after’ and ‘before’ story. You change. And when you do, your whole world changes. The people you hang out with, the things you do, even the way you think.

It is an inner change that you cannot really account for…a cleansing that makes it difficult for you to return to the ‘before’ bit even if you wanted to. Truly, that can’t be easy for people? I mean given a chance, even doormats would like to dominate…who would WANT to be under authority? Especially an authority that does NOT promise an easy deal…

And they say it’s easy.