Being the Change you Want to See

Dear all,

Today is ‘The International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. On 17 December 1999 by resolution 54/134, the General Assembly designated this day and invited Governments, International Organizations and NGOs to organize activities to raise public awareness of the problem.

Since 1981, women activists have been observing 25 Nov as a day against violence. The date originated in remembrance of the brutal assassination of the three Mirabal sisters.

But in spite of all our efforts, in spite of the media coverage, in spite of “liberalized women”, violent crimes committed against women and girls – like domestic violence, sexual assault and trafficking continue.

Violence against women and girls is not just something personal that they deal with. Their trauma and their agony undermine all our claims of a reasonable and logical society.

Men’s lives are personally affected if their friends, wives, daughters, mothers, grandmothers or sisters experience violence or the threat of violence. Harmful attitudes and beliefs in the community are an important part of the problem. Helping to tackle these will help build a community that is safer for women and girls.

Men can play a significant role here. Majority of the people do not condone the use of physical or sexual violence against women and want to help reduce the violence. There are many ways that you can stop violence against women and girls.

What can you do?

Speak out: Pass the Word

• Don’t be silent when other men talk about their violence against women and girls
• Question excuses like: ‘Boys will be Boys”, “ I was drunk” etc
• Speak out if your friends, colleagues or males brag about using physical force against a woman for any reasons.
• Challenge harmful attitudes and beliefs in the community that foster violent acts such as: ‘Women provoke men by the way they dress and talk’; ‘Men are not responsible for their violent behaviours because it’s a physical need’ ‘Men can’t help being violent when they drink’, ‘Nice girls don’t get raped etc. “If she got raped, she must have done something’. etc

Irrespective of what they wear or how they talk, or how they flirt, NOBODY deserves RAPE. It’s amazing how many “progressive” men still believe this deep down in their hearts even if they are politically correct and SAY the right things,

A series of Focus Group Discussions organized by a coalition of Women’s Organisations show that such ideas are prevalent even among the ‘educated elite’. An upper middle-class guy observed, “But then why do women wear skimpy clothes?”

Whether women wear skimpy clothes or not is NOT the issue. Maybe, they have a great body and they don’t WANT to hide it. Maybe, like he said, “They are asking for attention.” But that does NOT mean they are “asking” to be raped. Even if they are ‘sluts’/ ‘prostitutes’/ ‘whores’/’commercial sex workers (in NGO jargon), even if they are sexually or morally loose, it does NOT warrant rape.

And rape is not the only issue. There are other forms of violence. Maybe you know a woman who is suffering violence at home. If she doesn’t dare to speak up, please speak up for her. If you know of a woman who is suffering assault everyday, please encourage her to approach the appropriate authority and report it.

Don’t keep silence cos the husband is your friend or shrug your shoulders and find blame with her for not doing anything about it. That solves nothing. Please encourage them to attend either a family court or a counseling center depending on the seriousness of the issue.