I was telling mom something funny that happened at work. I ended it laughing, “And it was so embarrassing cos I was the only girl there, Mom.”

She gave me an indulgent smile and her lips were twitching and her eyebrows were all raised.

“What?” I asked.

‘Girl?’ she said…and the way she said it, it seemed like some kinda frivolous word. “Woman, you surely mean!”

And that’s when it struck me. She’s RIGHT. I AM A WOMAN!!

But somehow, it feels weird to think of myself as a ‘woman’. I mean…I mean that’s a word for grown-ups, isn’t it?? I know I AM grown up technically but I don’t FEEL like a woman. Not tahyt I consider myself juvenile, immature, child-like or childish….not that I wanna play with marbles or dolls or whatever it is that kids play with, but….I donno….it’s difficult to explain…

Come to think of it, I don’t think I can EVER be a woman!! I think I’ll always be just a little girl. A jaded one, maybe. Slightly worn out from use, maybe. Faded, maybe. But still a girl.

Woman is someone who’s grown up. And I still don’t feel grown up. I still feel like a child who is watching a world of adults. I mean I know I work with adults, but I am not an adult, am I? I am just a little girl who HAPPENS to be working with adults. Incidental, surely?

I am a girl. That makes sense to me. But a woman??

I’ve never thought of myself a s a woman….whenever I think about myself, I think of myself as a girl. I mean…is that abnormal/juvenile or is it just normal??

I just typed ‘normal’ and then decided to do a survey around my office. And all of them say the feel like women. I bet they are all lying. I bet they think its dignified to be a woman or something.

S says I am not even a girl but a child. That too I can deal with. Child, ok. Girl, ok. But not woman!! NEVER WOMAN!!