A thousand thoughts. A myriad emotions. Amorphous. Defying touch. An expanse stretching into infinity. And just one small head.

How much longer this march? And really, where are we headed for?

The goal is not perfection. But being aware, hurts. It’s just a pinprick, really. And yet, it blights the day.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, there is no wanting. No yearning…

She becomes more insistent by the day. This spoiled self that I try to ignore. Wailing, groaning, whining, always and always.

She sits by the waters looking deep down at herself. And into herself. Wondering, if the reflection really reflects her. Enamored by the changes that just one reflection can reflect in one day. I’ve tried explaining to her, that it’s only the sun at different angles, that it’s all about what time of the day it is.

But she is so immersed in her narcissistic exploits that she cannot hear anything else. Or, anybody else.She loves herself most in the twilight…it hints at depths that the radiant sunlight could never reveal. The hint of possibilities is always more alluring than the certitude of certainty.

As for the moonlight, it transforms her. Turns her into a thing of aching beauty. So beautiful, so aching that she cannot bear to look at herself. She melts into the night, most moonlit nights…

And as the voices within and without unite to reach a crescendo, she bursts into brilliant crimson flames. Replete, she cannot hold herself in any longer.

She sat by the window stringing her beads. Black and blue. Black and blue.

Black for his soul. Blue for hers.

Once in a while, she’d look out of the window, smile, gaze wistfully, and go back to her task. Black and blue. Black and blue.

In the evening, they’ d lead her to her room. They left her alone most of the time. Didn’t ask her any questions. Understood that she loved him more than she did herself.

Sometimes though, there’d be tears. Sometimes, they’d come to her with demands. Sometimes, with threats.

Come on, get out. How long will you stay here?

Shall we buy you chocolate pastries?? Shall we go to the hills? Shall we take you to the sea? Look who’s here. Don’t you remember?

The voices would grow louder and louder until she couldn’t shut it out anymore.The next thing she knew the world was a sea of whirling faces, a bed from which she simply could NOT get up, and a high pitched scream that went on endlessly.

Then, silence.

She hated those days. But today… today, she was happy. Happy-contented.

She waved to them as they floated by in the sky. Beckoning. Go on, she said. I’ll come some other day.

You waiting for him?

Yes, she nodded.

All right. Do join us when he comes.

Yes, she nodded.

She went back to her beads. When she finished this, he would come for her. She knew it. She so knew it. Even if nobody else did.