The thirty first of March. How fast time flies…Day after day tripping by… and isn’t it funny how it goes by so fast even while you moan and groan about the long week ahead on Monday morning?
Time is such a contradiction that way…. Funny how events, bits of conversation, a particular sideways glance, a smile of someone who once mattered float to the top of your head one particular moment and even as you gasp at the suddenness of it all, the kaleidoscope turns and you are left feeling that it all happened a very, very long while ago and was it really you to whom it all happened?? And all the evidence of that punch in the stomach is that disoriented feeling that remains with you the rest of the day, gnawing relentlessly somewhere deep down in the recesses of you.

I remember yesterday and the day before and the year before…even 10 years ago ever so clearly. I remember all the incidents surrounding a particular picture and I cling on desperately. I don’t want time to move forward. I want this moment to freeze. Hold this second forever, not just in my head and heart, but in my hands.

I don’t want to lose. I don’t want to lose people…memories…moments…And I don’t wanna lose bits of conversation…old letters…old loves…old books…old music….I want it all. If I could, I’d take it all to the grave with me.

Deep down where your memories are, there are no nights and there are no days. But seen through the haze of timelessness, every single moment feels preserved, sanctified, precious. And the thing about memories is that even the happy ones somehow manage to bring a lump to your throat. And I want it all… I want it all back.

Isn’t it funny how you leave a piece of you behind in every nook and corner you’ve ever visited and every person you’ve ever encountered? Or is it the other way round?? Do you take pieces with you so that you are left with a giant jigsaw puzzle, with zillions of pieces and you don’t know where to fit in what??

It’s a funny mood…watching the dusty road roll by and allowing your soul the full liberty to drift in and out of all your lifetimes. Exploring all the half-remembered, half-forgotten dreams and memories… realizing that sometimes, you can’t really tell the difference. And you hear that distant music of days to come, of days gone by.

And it fills you with a yearning and sadness so deep… so deep that you flounder and fight to get out of the vortex though you were the one who ventured there in the first place. Distant music always has that effect on one. Distant music washes you over with the lure of possibilities and the agony of impossibilities.

And suddenly it hits you like never before, just how tiny you are. Suddenly, you realize that your world with all its hopes, dreams, frustrations, agonies and petty little achievements…is nothing when you think of just how vast eternity is. It’s not a feeling of “Who am I in this huge wide world,” but “Who am I in eternity?”And the longing throbs even as you smile wryly to yourself and mutter the words of the wise man- “Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.”