I saw him from a distance. Smart, suave, and above all…intelligent. I dig intelligent men…they’re so difficult to find. More so, balanced, intelligent men.

Of course, intelligence per se isn’t so difficult to find. I should think that most of these MBA types are ‘intelligent’…or if you are more artistically inclined, go to an ad agency or a media house. You’ll find the glib intelligent sort there. The type who is so far gone into their intelligence that they’re keeling over to the ‘other’ side. I might have been attracted to that type a few years ago. I might have found them challenging.

But age tempers one down. And with this tempered down personality, G seemed to fight right in. Like I said, he was smart and intelligent. Nice, but not so nice that he couldn’t be naughty. And my parents liked him too.

I loved our conversations….but then suddenly he said something and I realized. I realized that he is the kind of man who belongs to a ‘type’ too…the ‘type’ who’d be attracted to an intelligent woman but would never marry her.

They’d be stimulated by the conversation (“intellectual” stimulation naturally) but deep down, they’d be intimidated. They’d admire a woman who has a mind of her own, leech off her mentally and often emotionally, but when it came to taking the girl home to Mama, they’d never do it.

Cos just like they were attracted, they’d just as equally be intimidated by the independence. They’d be intimidated by the fact that a girl didn’t really need him 24/7, that she didn’t make him the god of her universe because she had a life of her own, that her waking and sleeping thoughts didn’t revolve around him cos she had a vivid thought life that churned out much more than just his well-being.

When I realized that about G, I decided that I’d avoid the type. But somehow, I’ve been meeting a lot of the type recently. My mom says that I come across as being strong-headed and yes, intimidating. Cos guys want homely, she said.

Homely? What exactly does the word mean anyways? Can somebody please enlighten me? Is it someone who spends most of her time at home? Cos in that case I AM homely-- I like being at home with my small circle. Or is it someone who puts her home above everything else? Or is it a ‘home-maker’. Or is it about an attitude? What?

I strongly suspect that I wouldn’t be ‘homely’. Though I am not overtly fond of people, though I am not a social butterfly or a social anything, though I am the kind that would stay within the boundaries of my space….my ‘space’ would be too charged to ever really be homely.

People tell me that I think too much. About things that don’t really deserve much thought. Maybe, they’re right. But do I really need to change that? I mean, why should I? Give me one good reason. As far back as I can remember, I’ve been this way. Reflective. As long as I can remember, I remember me standing at a distance always. Watching, analyzing, thinking.

All through school, teachers sent for my parents asking me if things were ok at home cos I always looked so worried and preoccupied. They’d hold my forehead and try to smooth it down cos it was always furrowed and crinkled.

I never could make anybody understand that I was ‘just thinking’. Slow down, they used to say. Slow down the thinking. You aren’t carrying the world, you know. And I’d agree. My thoughts weren’t really DOING anything. It wasn’t changing the world. But I couldn’t stop. There’d be the non-stop activity.

I’ve learnt to tone things down though. For instance, I don’t crinkle my brows anymore. Also, I don’t freak people out by making a sudden random observation. Not random for me cos I’d have been thinking about it for the last few hours, but random for ‘them’ cos they had no idea where I was coming from.

So…though I’ve toned it down, I suppose people would be intimidated still. People like G. Cos heck if I am ‘just thinking’ how would I ever look after the kids and make dinner? How the heck would I remember to press his shirts and scratch his ears for him?

And so I’ve been asking myself—is it worth it? I agreed that my parents could “look out” for me. Mainly cos, I didn’t wanna be bothered with looking out for myself. I wanted to be able to focus on other things. Also, I didn’t wanna be emotionally involved. I didn’t wanna spend precious time investing into a “love” relationship, only to find that at the end we weren’t living “happily foreverafter.”

So, if marriage was about compatibility and companionship, it seemed ok to check out a few guys and figure if we were compatible and companionable. But after meeting so many ‘types’ I think the arranged marriage system is flawed. No, wait. Maybe it’s not the system that’s flawed…maybe, I am the one who is flawed for the system?

Cos in this system, people are always wondering what they can get out of it. And that’s fair enough…cos after all an “arranged” marriage is just a euphemism for a “marriage of convenience.” There’s no love involved…so taking cold, hard decisions would not really be cold or hard.

And I don’t think I am the kinda person who’d fit into someone’s preconceived notions or expectations…cos in an arranged marriage, I’ve realized there are certain rules. Like type A and type C go well. Type B and type D would be incompatible. And so on and so forth. And I think, maybe God forgot to make my type….

And since I saw him from a distance, I’ve been asking myself—do I need this? I mean, do I need marriage? If I were in love, of course, that’s a different issue. But if I am not in love, am I really that much in need for companionship, that I’m willing to make conscious sacrifices just to escape loneliness? Am I even EVER lonely? Do I need this for myself?

No. cos a) I am not lonely. B) I don’t need ‘emotional security’. I am beyond expecting that from another human being. C) Strange as it might sound, my relationship with God gives me all the comfort, companionship or whatever else it is that people need…I don’t really need anybody else to make me happy or complete me.

So WHY do I need to get married if I am not in love? Why compel myself to get hitched….when I don’t feel the NEED to simply cos my parents want it or simply cos everybody else around me is doing it?
Heck! That’s right. I don’t really NEED TO!!